This past weekend I started a yoga nidra facilitator training. Yoga Nidra is yogic sleep where you enter deep relaxation but are still fully conscious. It is hard to put into words what was done in 12 hours over the course of two days especially because a lot of the process is personal to each person.
One of the first exercises was to get in touch with our intention, or purpose. It’s not a purpose such as, what am I here to do in this life but more, what is the state of being where I am fully aligned. Woo woo enough for you yet? There are things that, when we are living from this place of awareness, make us feel whole. Some might liken it to how they feel when they are doing their art, the flow, the zone. Everything just feels right. When you know your purpose you can easily recognize when you are not living in it and regroup and realign.
What I find interesting for me is that my purpose is something that I’ve fought against my entire life. No wonder one might dive into depression when they’re denying the thing most important to them–the essence of their being.
So, what did I realize was my purpose? Being myself.
If you’ve followed my blog you might have picked up on that struggle within me. How could something that sounds so simple be so hard? Being yourself should be natural, but I think a lot of people, struggle with that. We hide a lot of ourselves for self-preservation. What would people think? I’m so different than everyone else and I want to fit in so I must not reveal this about me, etc.
What was revealed to me was that by giving myself permission to be myself, I also give permission to others to be themselves. That is not to say that I outright give permission to others but by being vulnerable and showing me, I help others to also feel more comfortable doing the same for themselves.
I am most alive and engaged when I’m learning something new. Once I’ve learned it I often get bored and feel the need to move onto something else. One of my current areas of interest is learning about holding space. I always get excited when a new direction that speaks to me is revealed. It is like a miner finding a vein of gold and chip, chip, chipping away at it to follow where it goes. Sometimes it’s a fine line that you follow for a long time, leading you on, and sometimes you come upon a big deposit that you can work on and dig into for a long while until you pick up that fine line again.
It is energizing for me to have guidance in this training that is leading me back into energetic and intuitive studies. Being able to trust your gut in everything and knowing everything is just as it is supposed to be, even if it isn’t always comfortable. Letting go of not only attachment but attachment to specific outcomes.