Why I don’t Go Big.

This past weekend I contemplated “Going Big”. Not necessarily the actuality of going big, but why I don’t, why I haven’t. What holds me back. Of course, we all know the answer to that…Me. I hold me back. My limiting thinking holds me back.

That led me to the next question…How do I change that cycle? How do I step out and do that, and if I can step out, how do I assure that my efforts will be successful? While there are no guarantees, there are plenty of resources that can help one reach their goals. That isn’t the hard part. The hard part, at least for me, is believing in myself enough to know I can do it and not being afraid of whatever it is that I am afraid of.

I have put some pretty big things into place for those that I have worked with and for over the years. I have single-handedly devised and implemented some pretty cool concepts and programs, I have turned situations around in office settings. There should be no doubt in my mind that I can accomplish big things. But when it comes to doing it for myself I, at some point, shut down.

glass isks for skylight

I have some tricks up my sleeves that I’ve been playing on myself. Changing my thought process, my views of myself and abilities, eliminating barriers in my brain. Maybe the stars are aligned and this could be the time that it works.

I have to admit to you though, after that introduction, you’re probably expecting something mind blowing and I am sorry to disappoint, but my first step is not that grand. Although, if I continue to like what I’m doing, it could be really cool to do installation pieces in peoples homes or offices. That would be the going big part, if I do it on the scale that I envision.

I have to give some credit here to Patty Lankinsmith’s one little facebook comment on my last post where I revealed my recent passion with disk beads and how I plan to use them. All she said was: “I like the sound of that ceiling idea in particular.” 

I do too.

I have had that idea for a long long time and it made me think…why am I not doing it? Why am I doing this smaller project first, and even then, only committing myself to one of the four windows to “see how it goes”? Why aren’t I just doing what I have been wanting to do for a long time?

What if it didn’t work? What if it looked stupid, cheap and cheesy? What if I couldn’t install it to look professional? I guess there is only one way to find out. And if any of those things happen, there is only one way to learn how to do it better the next time until it’s right. Right? Isn’t that how I learn everything in design? Trial and error and, sometimes, totally shocking but welcomed, complete success on the first time like with the micro mosaics.

The skylight ceiling project brings in more obstacles than the window one…installation, preventing bowing of the plexiglass over time, easy-ish removal for cleaning? I didn’t feel ready to tackle those engineering questions but as I sat for a few minutes, the answers came to me. Putting them into practice is another thing, but really, it’s not that difficult. I just need to keep the attitude that I can do anything because, really, I can.

So, thank you for commenting, Patty. I guess I’m shifting to the skylight project now, instead of the window one. If I fail, I’m coming to get you.

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