Accept things as they are. No! But, yes.

The most important thing I learned from Eckhart Tolle is that, in any situation, there are three things you can do.

First, and most important is that you need to accept the situation. Byron Katie’s work has also taught me this. Accepting does not mean saying something is ok, or condoning something you don’t like or disagree with. It means accepting that it already IS. It exists as it is, and there is nothing you can do about that at that moment. It is futile to fight against what already is in existence. It is your thoughts about it that bring you pain, not the actual situation or event. Once you say yes, this exists, then comes the next step.

So, what are the three things that you can do after accepting that the situation is in existence?

* You can accept it. You can choose to say, “Ok. I’m going to accept this as it is, and live with it this way.”

* You can walk away from it. You can choose to say, “Ok. I accept that it is the way that it is, but I choose to walk away from it and not be a part of it, or even around it.”

* You can change it, or start taking steps to change it. You can choose to say, “I accept that this situation is in existence, and I choose to do things to change it. I will not be angry and upset to the extent that it disables me, and I will do what I can, until I can’t. And that is ok too. I can also choose choices number one or number two at any time.”

I started teaching this principle to my children at their very early ages. Validating that their feelings are real, and after a time of feeling them, also teaching them how not to be debilitated by them by knowing that they alone have the choice of how to handle situations.

The most empowering thing you can do is to accept a situation as it already is. The moment you do that, you can get to work (or not) on whatever it is that comes next for you. Much more can be accomplished when working on the choice of changing something when you are rational, clear-minded, and not overwhelmed with emotion.

I know that some people will read this and think it is saying to ignore your emotions, that they aren’t valid. That is not true at all. It is a teaching that, when you understand it, acknowledging the emotions for what they are and helps you move beyond them. It is being an observer of your emotions rather than BEING your feelings and letting them eat you up from the inside.

An Eckhart Tolle talk on feelings.

And another, about complaining.

There are many more on Youtube.


I’m adding a coloring photo for the purpose of the header on this post when I share it on facebook so it doesn’t look like an ad for my books by grabbing my web site header.

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